This Many-Tongued Oral-Sex Machine

Before I tried the Lovehoney Sqweel 2 Oral Sex Simulator for myself, I had to wonder: Was a sex toy with ten “lapping silicone tongues” threatening to heterosexual men?

Masculinity has a reputation for being fragile, particularly as it relates to female sexuality. For some men, there is something uniquely terrifying about women who can get off without dicks ramming inside them. While male feminists pride themselves on their commitment to the female orgasm—advertising constantly and loudly that they love giving oral, as if they’re the first and last man to ever say this—men do harbor insecurities about the technology women use to get off more efficiently than we ever could with humans. As one guy friend told me, “I don’t want my dick to be disrupted.”

Yet disruptions are coming. I recently opened my mailbox to find the Lovehoney Sqweel 2 Oral Sex Simulator, a pink-and-white wheel with ten “lapping silicone tongues” that you put on your vagina to mimic oral sex. The device, which resembles a Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape dispenser, has three speeds and goes in two directions. The product description reads, “Its reverse functionality allows you to switch the direction of the tongues for truly impressive oral sex skillz, as a flicker setting rocks the wheel back and forth to wow you into a powerful orgasmic stupor.”


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