Saint Nancy

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SPQR


Last Saturday afternoon in Washington, D.C., an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic Cathedral. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending Sunday’s Mass and asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling her a saint.
     

The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over most of Pelosi’s views.”
Pelosi’s aide said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the Church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”
As Pelosi’s aide promised, Nancy appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Ms. Pelosi was present.
The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, “While Ms. Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a drunken thumb-sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for evading her Representative obligations both in Washington and in California. Just look at the streets in her district! Feces everywhere. The woman is simply not to be trusted.”
The Cardinal concluded. “But, when compared with Hillary Clinton, Ms. Pelosi is a saint.”